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Talk:Before the Flash/@comment-26054278-20150330230052
This is an odd one, and certainly deserving of the category "Weird". Perhaps I should give a quick overview before I talk about this one. This pasta follows a main character named Jenny, who lives with her aunt, a fortune teller. However, once her aunt starting receiving strange visions, things got weird. This premise is interesting, and I haven't exactly seen it told in this manner before. I give the author credit for the concept of the story. Unfortunately, not everything is good news. I didn't even know the main character was a girl until half-way through when they established her name as Jenny. While an author doesn't have to put a lot of detail into their main character if the story doesn't revolve around them too much/isn't that long, I should at least be able to figure out their gender before I get halfway through it. Granted, the aunt does have quite a bit of odd characteristics and various other personality traits portrayed by the way she acts throughout the story. The way it is done is fascinating and gives off way more character than our main character ever shows. Moving on, this story was actually kind of boring at parts. The beginning was meant to build up to the suspense later on, but I felt that the sections were a bit too slow and a bit too boring. To the credit of the story, it is a bit unsettling. It isn't terrifying by any means or really that disturbing, but it was unsettling imagining how the fate of the world would now be if the Fortune Telling done was actually correct. The death of the aunt was something I kind of expected. I was kind of hoping that the story might portray the struggle this person has to come to terms with the end of the world a bit more (and then deliver the ending), but it works alright here. What doesn't really work is that last paragraph/part of the ending. I both like and dislike this ending. While I like how vague "The Flash" is kept, I hate how random and vague the death really is. So, the aunt writes down this message (3 times, as a matter of fact) in blood. Alright, a bit cliche, but okay. What about the aunt herself? Is the story just going to ignore the condition of the aunt other than the fact that she is dead? Was there any sign of a murder weapon? A single scratch? I know this might seem like a bit of a nitpick, but I really think the nature of the death should have been explained slightly better to either open up new possibilities or point in a more interesting direction. The way the main character kind of just brushes aside this end of the world and thinks about it at the end, while I like how the main character did it, I thought the ending lines just kind of brushed it aside a little bit and gave us information, while nice to have in the story, probably shouldn't have been the final lines. Before I finish this up, I would like to say that the writing style works well for the most part. It has a couple odd moments there and then (which may just be because of my problems with the plot), but I personally believe that it is very good. In conclusion, for every good thing this story had, there was a mediocre/negative thing to counter it. While that normally equates to about a 5/10, I think this story is just ever so slightly above that. 5.5/10. Check out more of my critiques on the following page: My Critiques